Lyrical Logic

I don’t think I was ever meant to relate to actual people.
Most people wouldn’t believe the life I’ve lived. 
Because, in my mid-20s, there is just no way my life could be this shitty of a show. 
No, I was meant to relate to characters. 
The ones in heart breaking and gut-wrenching books.
The ones scorned or burned in that song on the radio. 
I was never supposed to relate to the happy people.
It’s just not who I was meant to be. 

If you don’t believe me, 
Would you like to see the receipts? 
I have them if you would like to see. 
They aren’t organized or even readable at times, 
But that’s what happens when you set fire to the box you keep them in while trying to forget. 

Here’s one from elementary school when no one could be bothered to pick me up from softball practice. 
Coach had to call my dad. 
Twice. 
Or the one where no one showed up to my senior night for concert band. 
When I had to walk across the stage alone. 
Wait, here’s the one where my family never acknowledged I graduated from college. 
Remember, it was COVID lockdown, and it was only my mother-in-law who cared. 

This is my box of receipts. 
The box that reminds me I’m not meant to relate to other people. 
Where I’m reminded of all the ways people have let me down. 
And when I wasn’t even disappointed anymore. 
When I quit telling people about the good things in my life. 
Because I learned the hard way that the only way to get a receipt
Is to ask for one.