Lyrical Logic

I don’t know what has gotten into my head the last few days, but this question has been bugging me. How do you write? I mean, I know the physical mechanics, but I don’t know what the rest of the answer should be. Because each person has their own process, and each person has their own way. So who am I to say what the right way to write is?

Personally, I write a lot after I’ve smoked some weed. I just smoke and I put headphones in and the words start flowing. I tell everyone it’s because my anxious mind doesn’t allow me to trust what I’ve put on paper when I’m sober. Which, is actually a fair statement. My anxiety jumps even after I’m done writing and I’ve sobered up. Sharing my work here makes me anxious as hell because I still believe that my work doesn’t matter. That this is stupid. That I should stop. While I know these things aren’t true, they still fall into the belief system that runs my life.

Therapy has taught me a lot about resisting those types of thoughts. It has taught me that my brain is actually wrong when it comes to certain things. But maybe when my therapist asked what I do when I write just sparked this question inside me. Because what I do…..it’s a little complicated.

It starts with me opening my journal. I have two, one for you, and one for my book. I open both up. I just start flipping through the pages, reading what is already there. I’ve got music playing in the background or a show on my TV, but I haven’t really started to write yet.

I have to be in the right mindset to really write. Generally speaking, I’m hella depressed. And it isn’t until the level of depression hits that I break out the weed, go outside, and smoke. I don’t smoke a lot, just enough to get a light buzz. I have recently learned that a 10 mg gummy is too much, while half of a 10 mg gummy isn’t enough. Once I’ve got the buzz going, I go back to my bed. I grab my headphones, and turn on my Spotify playlist. Now, because apparently I’m fancy, I always only use my AirPods Pro for the noise cancelation.

Once a song hits me the right way, usually it is one line in a song, that song goes on repeat. And a piece of art is born. This process can take hours, it can take minutes. I can write three or four pieces in a session, or struggle to get through one. But that’s my writing process. And it isn’t probably going to work for everyone, but it’s what works for me.

So, how do you write? How do you express yourself? Have any odd little rituals? Do you even clock it’s a ritual? I’d love to know.