Lyrical Logic

Have you ever woken up and just felt completely off? And I don’t mean like woken up and you feel sick, but just off. Emotionally, you just feel off. It’s an odd feeling, and usually, I can figure out why. But today I’m not all that sure.

It is just a day where it feels like I should be in bed, reading, cuddling up with a warm blanket and a cup of coffee. It feels like I just need to emotionally check out for a hot minute and let the world fall away. Usually I don’t mind that feeling. I go about my day a little quieter than usual and just drift into my bed when I get home. But today it feels different. I can’t focus. And it is really starting to get to me.

Waking up feeling like something isn't right
Unable to pinpoint exactly what it is. 
Getting up and acting like everything is normal
Just the way it is supposed to be. 
Going to work and getting shit done
Like it is just another day.
But did you eat? 
Did you drink water? 
Do you remember your drive to work? 
You can feel the darkness creeping in
But there isn't much you can do. 
Drink some water
Go for a walk
Eat a decent meal. 
Nothing. 
You still feel empty
Like there isn't a point to getting up in the morning.
But you take your meds 
You turn out the light
And you know tomorrow you'll do it all again.
All you can do is hope that in the morning 
This feeling
Of not knowing who you are
Is gone.
Because one of these days 
Someone is going to notice.

I’ve been getting better about how these days go for me. I should probably sit down and actually read “The Body Keeps Score” and it would probably be helpful. Because my body does seem to keep score. I’m just the master of pushing it all aside until it is screaming at me to stop. Which ends up with a hospital visit and some unexpected time off work.