Lyrical Logic

Considering the last 20 months of my life, I’m pretty happy just to be here. But having the last week to mostly unplug outside of my life at work has kinda given me some perspective. I seem to be continuing to be who people expect me to be. Instead of being who I want to be, who I am.

I’ve never gotten to “be myself.” I’ve always been saddled with responsibility and being who everyone else needed me to be. Hell, I didn’t even get to be a child. I was raising my siblings because I didn’t have a mom who was there to do it. I was the oldest, they looked to me. Sure, my dad did what he could, but they still turned to me.

This last week, being able to ignore the realities of what I’m living getting able to step away from looking at all my stuff and figuring out what I really want to be doing. So, I’ve come up with a list of things, that I’ll keep to myself for a little while, and I’m going to work hard to make them my reality. Because I want to look in the mirror in the morning and love who I see. And right now, I really don’t. And I want the poem below to be true.

I know I’m not perfect
No one really is. 
I know not everyone will like me
I’m not asking that they do.
I’m just asking for just an ounce of respect
Rather than you calling me names. 
We may all be different,
But we all share in being human. 
So while I may not be your cup of tea
I’m someone else’s double shot of tequila. 
While I’m not who you want to spend your time with
I’m someone’s preferred travel buddy. 
I’ve spent a lot of time
Trying to make everyone like me.
I abandoned myself doing so.
But I’ve decided
I’m done changing for others. 
I’m going to figure out how 
I can like me
Just the way I am.