Lyrical Logic

When even my therapist says “working with you is fun because I never know what you’re going to say happened this week,” you know that your life is truly pure chaos. In her defense, my life is a bit of a shit show at the moment. We have lulls and we have chaos highs, and right now is a chaos high.

Moving by yourself is actually pretty interesting. You really learn how strong you are, physically and emotionally. Mostly, the shocker for me has been physically. Though, I am going through multiple outfits a day from pure sweat. Moving in July – I don’t recommend it. But it seems as though I won’t have much of a choice in the matter until I buy a place. Oh well, builds character, right?

Anyway, life has a funny way of showing us what we need to focus on. Right now, for me, it’s my personal life. The things I never figured out because I had a husband. The things I thought I knew how to be as a partner, but really it shouldn’t have been that way. And while my entire hour of therapy today was based on what happened in the last 7 days of my life, because yes, that much happened. Though, as she pointed out, none of it was really “bad.” Was it frustrating and annoying? Absolutely. But it wasn’t necessarily bad.

Things that happened while I was moving that I didn’t expect to happen: I won’t have internet for several weeks, I had to go to the office instead of move, I would have to move in around people fixing the stairs to my apartment, I wouldn’t have air conditioning for the first 24 hours, I would get permission to break my stove (didn’t even actually break it but got it fixed). Now I’m just moving furniture, load by load, until it’s all done. Between that and working 40 hours a week, it’s a bit crazy around here. But I will try and keep at least sharing thoughts.

This weeks thoughts come from a place of pure insanity. Because Who would have guessed that this would be my life? I sure wouldn’t have. In all reality I’m actually in a really good place. I can work on my book, I can take the time to find some hobbies that don’t include the internet, I can even actually decorate my home. My life truly is hard to believe sometimes, but that makes it fun.

Into the chaos I run
Running as fast as I can
Because it is the quiet and calm
That make me fearful of what's to come.
The chaos is familiar
Even if the exact circumstances aren't. 
The chaos if comforting
Even if I constantly feel like throwing up.
The chaos is what I know
Even if most of the time I don't know how I'm going to get through it.
But I'll take the chaos
Because at least it reminds me I'm alive.