Lyrical Logic

I’ve officially moved in both my personal life and my work life. The last two weeks have been pure chaos, but I am through them, and I really am starting to feel a lot better. It still looks like a bomb went off in my apartment (we don’t have a dumpster or recycling so I’m hoarding stuff until I can take it to a dumpster and recycling dumpster), but it is starting to not overwhelm me.

I can’t remember if I’ve shared this before, but this is the first time I’ve ever lived on my own. Solo. No one else. It’s odd, in a way, but it’s actually quite freeing. I don’t have to worry about if someone else will mind if I make some ethnically correct food or if I walk around the place in a sports bra and shorts. And, if something isn’t done, it’s just on me. I have no one to blame but myself. Which means shit is getting done.

This, for me, is a new beginning. I’ve been at my job for a year now, which was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I’m starting to figure out what I actually want to fill my free time with, and not just what I think others want me to do with it. Oh, and I’ve decided against a TV in my bedroom. There will be many, many times where I hate myself for that decision, but it’s for the best. I don’t want to live in my bed. I want to enjoy my apartment. And that means doing the hard thing of not putting my TV in my room, but leaving it in the living area. And not buying myself a second TV so I can do it.

While my book is behind where I wanted it to be by now, once I am completely settled I will have time to dedicate to continuing it. A lot of the work in it now is about heartbreak and darkness, but I have been feeling more hopeful and healing lately, so I’m changing my mind a bit on what this is going to be like. Stay tuned for that.

The empty walls
The clear floor
This new-to-me space will never look the same again
This space I can make my own
And not worry about anyone else. 

I’m excited to start this new chapter of my life, but I’m also scared. For the first time it will just be me (and my cat). And he really is all I need right now.