Lyrical Logic

When we start out in our adult life, post schooling or post high-school graduation, no one ever really tells us how hard it is actually going to be. They don’t warn you about the bills or the actual cost of things. Maybe your parents did, but mine didn’t. And it’s been a harsh wake up call. Granted, I’ve been at this for seven years, but I think I’m finally starting to get the hang of it.

Before you come at me with the “you should have figured this out way sooner” crap, listen. Okay, I have never been in a place with my anxiety and depression that I could actually focus on what I needed to. I’ve been in basically survival mode since I left my parents home. And I’ve had times where it’s felt like I’ve been out of it, and I genuinely thought I was, but I wasn’t. It’s only in the last three – four weeks that I’ve felt like I actually was living and not just surviving.

In a time when all you can feel is nothing
You don't focus on anything at all.
Nothing more than what it takes
To just survive.
But once you are able to catch that breath of air
The air that has felt like it's been completely sucked from your lungs,
You start to feel like a whole new person.
Like an actual person
And not just a human
Fighting for their life.

In therapy this week it was discussed how I don’t feel like I can write about heartbreak anymore. And it’s true, I don’t. But I have to give myself permission to write about the healing. I have to give myself permission to heal. Because not allowing myself to heal is doing far more harm than good. And it’s time. It’s time for me to let go of the past, and try to focus on the future. No matter how scary that might seem.