Lyrical Logic

Have you ever had a moment when you realize that you’ve done the thing you’ve been working so hard to do? Like you’ve been working towards this abstract goal, and you finally reach it, but you don’t realize it right away and when it hits you you just completely lose it. I’m there. I’m right there and I’m not sure how to handle it (don’t worry, I see my therapist this week).

Trying not to randomly start crying at random points in the day is rough. Especially at work. I got to do a thing that I have always dreamed of doing. I went to see Reba live in concert. And her music, her TV shows, have always grounded me and brought me peace. Seriously, she’s been my top Spotify artist multiple years in a row. And it wasn’t until I was at the concert, singing and dancing along, that I realized that my heart is 90% healed from the heartbreak that was my divorce.

I say 90% because I know I’ll still have moments on the big dates. My body remembers things and I just feel off. It’s probably as good as I’m ever going to get. But like, I’ve never been this happy before. Ever. In my life. Even when I was married I didn’t feel this kind of happiness. It’s odd. I don’t know what to do with it. So I really need to talk to my therapist because…..how am I supposed to live my life like this? Because honest to god I’ve always been hesitant to really let myself feel this happy because I don’t want to go through the heartache of being unhappy again.

I want to write about it. I want to put my feelings on paper. But I just haven’t found the words. As soon as I do, I’ll share them with you. But for now, just know that I’m good. I’m just struggling to be happy, when I really am, because I’ve never felt this way before.