Lyrical Logic

Today is finally the day. My book is out and it’s ready for the world. This is a bittersweet day for me. So much of the last two years have been consumed with this collection. I’m finally letting it go, and it is an amazing feeling. But it also means that a chapter of my life is closing. And that isn’t always a great feeling.

I reflect back on this day two years ago. I drove home 6 hours after attending a class the night before. I had spent the morning with my in-laws, and then I drove to work. We went out for his birthday dinner, and when we got home he dropped the news.

He blamed my mental health. Telling me I didn’t get better fast enough for him. Looking back, my marriage had been over for a while. I just didn’t want to accept it. My heart hurts, and I mourn the loss of that part of my life. But in no way shape or form do I want that marriage, or that man, back.

I’ve always said it would almost have been better had he died. Because then I didn’t have to live knowing he was loving someone else. However, I have finally reached the point where I’m okay with him loving someone else, as long as they love him as hard as I did. I made his mom promise me she’d take care of him. And I know she will. And I’ve made peace with knowing I won’t be his last like I had dreamed of. And releasing this work, this is me showing the world that.

So, I’m going to wish him a happy 40th birthday. And I’m going to thank him for the time we had together. But most of all, I’m going to look in the mirror, and start loving the woman he made me.