Lyrical Logic

Five.
You would be five this week.
There isn’t a single day
that you don’t cross my mind.
Looking at the
empty Christmas tree
wondering which ornaments
your great-grandma would
have gotten you.
Watching Christmas movies
wondering if you would
sit still long enough
to watch with me.
Wondering how you would
play with your cousins
at holiday meals.
Five years.
For five years
my heart has never
been the same.
I know many would
tell me I can’t miss
what I never had.
But this grief
is so much stronger
than any I’ve ever felt.
The endless “what if”
scenarios running
through my head.
Five years.
For five years
all I’ve wanted
is to hold you
in my arms.
Happy Birthday
baby girl.
Mama loves you.