Lyrical Logic

I didn’t grow up in a pretty house.
I didn’t grow up in the perfect family.
I wouldn’t even say I grew up in a home.
I grew up in the mess.
I grew up in a family that didn’t care.
I grew up in a building.

I walked on eggshells.
I always held my breath.
I rarely asked for anything.
I just wanted to get through the day.

I have good days.
I have a lot of bad days.
I don’t know how to be loved.
I don’t know how to feel safe
Even in my own home.

In the good days
I know I’m worth it.
In the bad days
I feel like a waste of space.

I survive on caffeine
and friends that make sure I’ve eaten.
I survive on pure adrenaline
as I run from the monsters in my past.
Lately though
I’ve been surviving in the quiet.
Quiet that doesn’t feel quite right
because all I’ve ever known
is the fear of the chaos.