This week I’m having a minor procedure done. It’s really nothing to worry about, though hopefully it will create a better understanding of why I feel the way I do. But in doing that, on top of a chaotic work life, it has left me with a lot of anxiety. I’m not completely sure what to expect. I’m not completely sure how to deal with the reality that I’m going to have to step away from work for a few days to let myself recover. Because that just isn’t the person that I am.
A lot of it has to do with responses from trauma I’ve been through. And it is something I work actively on in therapy. But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with on the daily basis when it’s just constantly overwhelming. There are honestly days where this feeling, my stupid need to make every single other person happy and to just take care of every little thing myself has me seriously considering selling all my possessions and just going off the grid. Some days that feels like it would be better than the reality of my life today.
When it all gets to be too much
When I just need to scream and cry
Sometimes I just need to drive.
Turn the radio all the way up and just drive
Tell those back roads all the things I’m feeling.
They won’t make me feel small.
They won’t tell me my feelings are invalid.
They will see me.
They will hear me.
And I will get exactly what I need in some
Backroad Therapy.
Growing up in a small town, the only thing there was to do when you needed to get away was to drive down the backroads. And I did it a lot. The only thing I needed was the windows rolled down, radio turned up, and a good playlist to help me get through whatever was happening. While I don’t do it nearly as often anymore, it is one of the few things that can help my anxiety. That crippling anticipation of everything going wrong.
Lyrical Logic 
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