Lyrical Logic

Hey friends. My life has been crazy. But I’m still right here. And I’m a little triggered, to be honest, but not necessarily in a bad way.

When we hear the word “triggered” we typically associate it with a downward spiral. We associate it with feeling of hopelessness and unworthiness. But the “triggered” I’m feeling today isn’t bad. It’s actually incredibly freeing.

You see, I’ve spent three years thinking I was going to hang up the hat I wore when it came to church and leadership and positions within it. Three years of telling people no. Three years of setting my bible (well, my favorite one, I have probably 20) on my bookshelf and not touching it. Three years of just being me. Silently. And letting the music I love speak to me.

Well. And this isn’t me getting super churchy so please don’t think that this is that. This is me saying that I think I finally found a way to honor both sides of myself. The real woman who drinks, smokes weed, curses, and enjoys college football season maybe more than she should. The woman who has spent hundreds of hours in her bible and spent her sophomore year of college preaching in a small town and who picks up that old marked up and tattered bible off the bookshelf.

I’ve been waiting for this moment. I’ve been dreading it while I wait, but I’ve been waiting. I think this is where my heart is leading me. But never fear, this space will forever and always be for my poetry and my writing of fictional worlds. This will be a space where I jump up on my soap box and I scream for the separation of church and state. Where I defend my Muslim brothers and sisters from people thinking their religion is one of violence. Where I will fight for women to have access to healthcare. Where I beg you to go to therapy. Where I tell you it’s okay not to believe.

So, today I’m feeling a little triggered. But the good kind. And, I thought I would share with you a snippet of the book I’m working on. I’ve started the editing process. And I’m so, so excited to share the finished product with you.

My phone connected to my car and I took a long drag from Loretta. 
I needed my brain to shut up, and I needed it to shut up now. 
I took a second drag as the opening cords of that familiar song started to play.
You’re Gonna Be. 
I shut the stereo system off as fast as I could. 
I couldn’t listen to that song. 
Not now. 
Not today. 
Never again.

I pulled into the garage and shut the door.
I grabbed my phone out of my purse and texted Tommy.

I can’t do this.
You’ll realize it’s better this way.