Lyrical Logic

My apologies for missing last week, I was dealing with a kidney stone. Friends, drink water. Because these things hurt.

I don’t really know what to say to all of you right now. My head is asking my heart if we should be doing more. More writing, more guitar playing, more not my 9-5 job that pays my bills. I’m starting to wonder if a relocation to Nashville wouldn’t have been the right move three years ago.

But I look at my life, and I look at the progress I’ve made, and I realize that it’s not something I needed to do. I mean, sure, it would have been cool, but I’m not one for the spotlight. And Lord knows I can’t sing. But I can write. And I can play basic guitar chords. And I have stories to tell.

As I’m working through What Surrendered I am starting to look back at old poetry. I had an idea to transform one of them into a song. And I did. And I actually fell in love with it. Will the recording ever be made public? Not if I have anything to say about it. But I did the damn thing. And that’s what matters.

I don’t have much else to share with you. I’m in the middle of a big old cPTSD moment and my unmedicated ADHD brain is having a moment. But hopefully after June we can find some way to manage the things. I’ve spent a lot of time just wondering if this is the life I want to live.

The answer is yes. The answer is I just want to do things I want to do. I don’t want to have to ask permission or do things simply because someone else tells me to. I just want to be me. All of me. Not just what is useful or helpful for other people.

So there you have it. I’m here, I’m just on the struggle bus. I’m tired. I’m cranky. And my body is actively attacking me. But it’s all fine. I get the drugs, I passed the stone, and I’m moving forward. Because that’s the only way to be.