Lyrical Logic

12 years ago this week I lost one of my closest friends to cancer. She was in her 20s, I was 17. We met through church activities, and quickly realized we were two souls cut from the same cloth. And when I lost her, it felt like my world was ending. But the thing about her is that she would have wanted me to keep living. And so I did.

Now, I sit here after realizing the reason I was holding the tears in all morning is because I miss her, I can’t help but wonder how much trouble we could have gotten in together. If you think I’m sassy, you should have seen her. I am tame. And the two of us together? Oh man. That was a recipe for a good time (for us anyway).

Today I’m remembering how she wouldn’t have wanted me to sit back and just let the chaos of life take over. I’m remembering how she would tell me to stand my ground, stand up for myself, and not to bow to the patriarchy. I’m remembering how she’d crack a can of Red Bull before sitting down to chat with me.

I just miss her. I miss her a lot right now. I miss our text messages back and forth and I miss her looking at me and calling me on my shit. I do, so much. Though, I know she’s in a much better place and she’s pain free. So while I might miss her and wish she was still here, I’m glad she’s pain free.

And, on a day like today, when my world has thrown about 50 different things at me all at once, I can just hear her laugh at me and tell me to suck it up and get my ass to work. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.